Posted on: November 2, 2011 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 2

Feeling lonesome? Is there a need for companionship in your life? Are you telling the truth or trying to make yourself believe that being a lonely and bitter person is the best way to be? Seriously, stop denying your bitterness. You’re mad. You’re hurt. You’re lonely. You’re disappointed. You’re fed up. Aren’t we all? It seems as though there are no honest people left on Earth. We have all experienced a tortuous heartbreak that has turned us all into Vampires of Love, looking to suck the life and love out of another person in order to satisfy our despair caused by the evil doings of our exes. What is truly lacking in the dating world is personal responsibility.
We are all, in one way or another, responsible for the outcomes of our relationships. Our insecurities left by past liars lead us to snoop and falsely accuse. Our obsessive lust gets confused with love and we cannot separate our carnal desires from our emotional needs. We love the thrill of doing wrong and getting away with it, but our conscience subliminally causes us to tell on ourselves by making us accuse our partners of doing what we are doing. We keep secrets in order to satisfy our selfish want for peace of mind, just for there to be a bigger argument later simply because a secret was kept. We refuse to face, forgive and move on from a past lover and unconsciously look for negative traits to be present in our current and potential lovers. We live in a world of denial, thinking that we can do no wrong. We deny that we have made any mistakes, and then wonder why we are alone at the end of the night. We are too busy being caught up in our dreams about love; we need to come back to reality.
Dating, love and relationships take work. Work must be done by all parties involved. Energy must be used. Emotions and brain power have to find a happy medium. Subjectivity and objectivity have to be balanced out. Most importantly, we have to move past the belief that one is “The Best Candidate” based upon superficial criteria. A good job or profitable business, a home, a car and good looks are too often the only things taken into consideration when seeking a mate. “I can’t date you if you don’t drive.” “I can’t be seen with you if you’re broke.” “You live with your parents? Ew!” These are all statements, or thoughts, that arise when people consider dating another person. Those who only focus on what is on the outside to show to their friends are most often the ones who are left bitter and alone at the end of every night. Love is based upon a spiritual, mental, physical and emotional connection between two people. Yes, the money, cars and clothes look nice, but those do not define a person and his or her character; therefore, they cannot be the main criteria considered when determining if a partnership can manifest.
What is most interesting is that those who focus the most on what another person has on the outside usually don’t have much to offer in that aspect themselves. These people are either trying to become successful, wish they could become successful, just became successful, or looking for someone to save them because they have no ambition and drive needed to become successful. New money and the state of shock when coming out of the trenches often limits the success of relationships. Someone may have just gotten to a better point in life and became arrogant, leading that person to believe that no one is good enough. A person that just got to a point of success is now only wanted by those who seek to be a Vampire of Success and suck the money and materialistic part of life from the new “Boss”. A successful person is now able to access the “Perfect” man or woman, and when times get hard, the counterpart suddenly wants out of the relationship. It is time to face The Truth, a love for money is not interchangeable with a love for another person.
We must all do some soul searching. We must learn who we are as individuals and learn to love ourselves as we are. We must decide who we want to become within ourselves, and work to become that person. We attract who we are, and it is time that we start working to become the Dream Man or Dream Woman that we want to have in our lives forever. If we want someone that is successful, then we must become or work to become successful. If we want someone that is beautiful, then we must care for ourselves and love ourselves so that we will be beautiful. If we want someone that is honest, then it is time to stop lying. If we want someone that is willing to do the world for us, then we must become humble servants. If we want artists, then we must allow ourselves to tap into our own inner artist. If we want someone that is intelligent, then we can no longer allow ourselves to participate in the “Coolness of Stupidity”. If we want someone that has a car, then we need to save our pennies and make an investment, or at least be willing to be self-sufficient when it come to travel and transportation. If we want someone that has their own home, then we must be willing to pay our own bills, or help others with theirs and still be responsible for ourselves.We all want responsible partners, but we ourselves must be responsible first. We cannot allow ourselves to be too dependent and expect a real relationship to work.
A real and loving relationship is a partnership. Both parties taking responsibility for themselves and each other. In a relationship, there is no I and Me, it is Us and We. Yes, we will have our moments when we need our time alone, but even in those moments the feelings of our partners must be taken into consideration, even if it is just thinking about the best mode of communication. If we are only worried about ourselves and what we want, then we are not ready to date or be in a relationship. Let’s stop playing games, and let’s get real. Most of us aren’t ready. Just say so. Admit it first to yourself, then admit it to everyone else: My heart isn’t ready, and my mind isn’t there. Can we just have sex? No? That’s fine. Friendship is still welcome, and I am comfortable with myself enough to respect you. Thanks for your time.
 

2 People reacted on this

  1. Very true words spoken here… we certainly have to start and look within at ourselves and love ourselves as we are.. Many times those whom we dislike often mirror the very traits we ourselves need lessons in overcoming, but we often never see this..
    A true saying is that our worst enemies often teach us the greatest lessons..

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