Posted on: October 11, 2011 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 2

I have made some serious mistakes in my life. All of which were much needed. They were needed in order for me to grow as an individual, and learn about life. All of my mistakes have left me with either a broken mind, a broken heart or broken spirit. I have gone looking for love, and finding in it the strangest of places. I have gone looking for friendship and finding it in the strangest of people. I have gone looking for success and finding it in the strangest of myself. All of my mistakes were due to a lack of being able to accept what was in front of me.
I have searched high and low for the perfect love. I have yet to find it. Love is to be felt, not sought. Love is just as much of an experience as life is. My mistake in love was trying to find it. I didn’t just go looking for love in all the wrong places; I went looking for love period. It has taken over 12 years for me to figure out that love is only to be felt. Love is based on a connection between two souls. Love is the connection between two people that is mental, emotional, physical and psychological all at the same time. Love is the moment in which all things in life do not matter outside of the other person. Love is not some object to be found in a game of hide and seek. Love is an experience, a moment in time, a chunk of our lives. Love is an emotion. Love is a feeling. Love is universal. Love is the missing piece of ourselves that we always go looking for. I often found myself trying to figure out love based on superficial standards and what others would think of who I had on my side. I often mistook lust for love. I often thought that a certain criteria that I concocted in my mind was what was needed in order to find love. I was proven wrong over and over again. People will be people. They will lie, cheat, steal and mislead. Love is to be recognised, felt and experienced. Nothing more, nothing less.
I have never been the most popular person. Friends have always come and gone for me. Most people mean well, but they do not always look out for your best interests. One does not truly understand friendship until adulthood has been reached. For it is the time of adulthood when one needs a babysitter, or someone to cry to about life to, or a financial loan that will show one who’s really a friend and who only claims to be. I have no children, but I have needed help. I have sought help from many who eventually showed that they only cared to know my drama, but they did not care to help me through it. I have been in financial binds and generally stressful situations. I often have no one to talk to as people feel that they need to fix their problems through telling me how to fix mine; others simply don’t listen nor care. However, I have encountered some individuals who have been willing to dig into their own pockets to help me get to an event or even partake in a business venture. I have a couple, and I mean a couple, of friends that have been in my life since my adolescent and young childhood years. They lend an ear and a helping hand when needed. I have one friend that will cook for me whenever I need it. These are the few that are to be kept around. Through all of the good times and bad, the fights and make-ups our friendships have endured. I am truly blessed by the Sun, Moon and Stars to say that I have a few real friends. Friendship is to be genuinely felt and expressed. Friendship is a relationship, and love is involved in these relationships. A platonic love. When a real friendship is found, it should be cherished for a lifetime.
I have also made mistakes in my pursuit of success and prosperity. I spent a good chunk of my life trying to figure out what I wanted to be, what school I wanted to go to, what I wanted to study and how I wanted to build a career. I began with an interest in Pharmacy that went awry. Then I went on to begin studying Computer Science, just to switch that to Web Design. I spent years of my life, and thousands of dollars, trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I should have embraced my own “God Given” talent. I have been writing since the age of 11 years old. I am now 24. I have been published and I have hard copy documentation. Yet, I did not take myself seriously as a writer until earlier this year, April to be exact. People love my writing, they love my talent and they love me. Now, I love my writing, I love my talent and more than ever, I love myself. I am my own brand, and I don’t need school to teach me how to be me. I have had great exposure though. I have been exposed to great information and a wonderful network of people. I am able to truly build myself up as an artist and brand on my own accord. Although I often feel like I have wasted years of my life, I know that everything in my life has happened for a reason. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, when I am supposed to be.
I have made some serious mistakes in my life. I have made mistakes in life, love and relationships. I have made and lost friends. I have been heart broken, and I have broken hearts. I have wasted time, and I have made time. I have lived life, and I have experienced life. I have interacted with others, and I have observed others. I have loved, and I have hated. I have made it through struggles, and I have given up. I often find myself wanting to re-do years of my life because I am not happy with where I am at the current moment, but I must remember that everything happens or a reason. I cannot allow myself to remain in a depressed state because I don’t have what I want when I think I need it. It is a time to push forward and look back at the past with an open mind. I must look forward to the future with an open heart and spirit. I must experience life, love and relationships. I must be a part of something bigger than myself and actively participate in the greatness of myself and others. I am human, and I have done good and bad. At the end of the day, I am gladly mistaken.

2 People reacted on this

  1. Well said. A friendship is a lovely and fragile thing, and mistakes? I’ve been making them since the day I was born and I expect I will until the day I die. Oh well. 🙂

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