Posted on: February 9, 2012 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 1

What is your darkest secret? What is something about you that only you and The Creator would know? We tend  to have this need to portray ourselves as Saints, or “Wannabe” Saints. Most of us want to believe that we are going to Heaven. We all claim that we are only Human and we all make mistakes. But there is something about us that we know would automatically deny our entry into The Kingdom of Heaven.
I know good, and I know evil. Within myself. I know what I have done, and what I have not done. I know who I have judged, and who I have not judged. I know who I have loved, and who I have not loved. What I have not loved. I know my Light, and I know my Darkness.
What is Light? What is Darkness? What is Love? What is Lust? We walk a fine line in this life. The line between Sinner and Saint. The line between Good and Evil. Light and Darkness. We often try to deny to others, or ourselves, that we have participated in any acts that are demeaning in character. But then, we often don’t want to seem like we are too “Goody-Two-Shoes”.
I have had my experiences in darkness. Not knowing about half of my existence. Not knowing where I come from, or who. An endless emptiness. May I have had a complex at some point? Maybe. Anything is possible. I have done things. I have done people. I enjoyed it. People did me. People took me. I loved it.
I have some of the sickest obsessions. I am interested in the most “Demonic” of things. They turn me on. I wouldn’t change it at all. I am often at a cross roads. I’m not sure which way to go. Sometime I feel like doing right, and sometimes I feel like doing wrong. I often know better, but I care more for that moment, and I at accordingly. Is that really so bad? Do we all not do that at some point in our lives? Don’t we all wish to Live for The Moment?
I am beginning to wonder, here in this place I dwell, was I meant for Heaven or was I sent from Hell? Do either exist? What is Heaven? What is Hell? What is Life? What is Death? I want to know both of them. Life and Death. I want to know them equally. I want to know Heaven and Hell. I want to love Angels and Demons. I want to make love to God as well as The “Devil”/Satan.
I long to feel that moment in which I am so deep in ecstasy that I can feel my Soul cringe in my spine. An orgasmic piercing of the mid section of the back. The kind of feeling that makes one want to scream out in pain and pleasure simultaneously.
Although I know both extremes very well, I prefer to remain in the middle. I enjoy the middle ground. I like to Walk The Fine Line. I love the moments when I can be an angel, and I will never forget the demonic experiences that brought me so much pleasure. I like to go to and from as I please. I understand that what future I have created for myself, I have done so at my own peril. It is I. I am. I use the death of no one as an excuse for the decisions I make. If only you could imagine what only I and “God” know about me. How about you? What secrets do you have? Where is your space really reserved?

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  1. I think my friend we all have walked the path of good and bad within our being.. I look at it like this.. I find that to be here upon this earth we are are not saints nor are we sinners, we have come to experience ALL of these emotions of Light and Dark. some take the high road while others take the low road.. But ALL Roads lead us home.. And without the Dark we wouldnt know the Light.. so ALL is needed for us to experience this Planet of Dense Matter within the Material Realm..
    Wishing you well Catalina. ~Sue Dreamwalker x

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