Posted on: December 8, 2011 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 5

I have had my experiences with men and women throughout the years, and honestly, I love both equally. Women provide a visual and physical appeal that is unmatched, and men are able to do the same in their own rite, although I tend to enjoy women a little more. Women provide an emotional experience that is unlike any other, and men provide an emotional security that women just can’t do for me. Women and men both attempt to stimulate me intellectually, and they do to a point, but there are often times when the connection is lost. Women provide a sexual experience that is invigorating, and men can honestly do the same and more if the connection is right. A few years ago, I realised that I love people. My choice in mating is not only limited to socially influenced, physical, and religious sexual preference. I seek to connect to the person, the spirit, the soul. I am not suggesting that everyone should love as “openly” as I do, but we should all be comfortable enough with ourselves to love who we choose to without fear or shame, and we should not condemn others for loving who they choose because we do not love ourselves.
During my period of life in which I believed I only loved women, and could not love or be with a man. I was partially lost and confused. I was in a transitional point in my life, finding self. I thought that men simply were not for me, and I honestly was not physically attracted to males, or so I thought. Time went on and I realised that I only told myself that I was not attracted to males. I was young and solitary. I was looking for acceptance in a world that always shut me out. I found that acceptance with a group of other misfits called the LGBT Community. I surely thought that lesbianism was for me. The LGBT Community was welcoming and loving, sometimes too loving.
I was in a new world, having a new experience. I knew that this was the lifestyle for me, and then I caught the drama bug. Yes, drama is every present everywhere, but there is a special kind of drama that lurks within the LGBT Community. Aside from the pride, gossip and over flamboyant attitudes due to everyone having to prove themselves to be worthy of respect from the hetero-sexual community that “runs the world”, there seems to be a great lack of respect within the LGBT Community itself. Apparently, everyone is having sex with everyone in the LGBT Community. There is no group of 5 people that one can place in  a room that three have not had intercourse with each other, and two have not attempted a relationship. There is no group of 5 that one can place in a room together and two of them not have done “investigative” reporting on one another in order to “warn” others of their antics. There is no group of 5 lesbians that one can place in a room together in which 3 have not claimed that bi-sexuals, men, and women who love men are disgusting. There was a time in which I was one of those women. Luckily, I allowed myself to love myself and no longer be afraid of who I truly am.
There is an immense amount of insecurity running throughout the LGBT Community, especially within the world of Lesbianism. I am not insinuating that all lesbians are actually bi-sexual, but there is a subliminal fear of men and the penis. Many claim that they only love women, and that may be the case, but what jostles me is the dramatized reaction to males, mainly those who deal with women sexually. It almost seems as though lesbians are afraid of men that are not gay; they hate them. Maybe they are truly afraid of themselves. In a world where religion and hetero-sexuality is prominent, it can be difficult to truly understand who one is when defining sexuality. Many lesbians may press the issue of claiming their lesbianism in order to make the point clear that they are lesbian only, but others may press the issue in order to convince themselves that they are lesbian only.
I have seen many instances where females will make a big issue of another woman that loves women sleeping with a man. Lesbians act as if it is taboo, but then want to claim unity in the LGBT “Community”. How can this be so if you discriminate within yourselves? These women dig into each other’s relationships and friendships looking for the smallest bit of information to “put on blast” about one another in order to feel some sort of superiority when they can say “I gotcha! I knew you were sleeping with men! You’re no REAL Lesbian!” Who truly cares for this label in a world where everyone claims that they don’t want to be labeled? What is most hypocritical of lesbians is that some will condemn those who have sex with men, and then use a dildo or strap on in the bedroom that same night. A penis is a penis, and I’ve always said that if I’m to have a penis in me, then it will be a real one.
I recently saw a Facebook post in which one female posted that another female, by name, was now engaged to her boyfriend and is not lesbian. That does not mean she loves women any less, does it? When I posted a reply, the author of the post responded stating that she wanted people to “know what they’re dealing with”. Who said it was her job, or anyone else, to police another person’s personal life in order to alert the world that someone enjoys being with both sexes? Why is a mutual attraction to both sexes such a huge issue in the first place? There seems to be this foggy assumption that if a female is not lesbian, then she does not fully love women. Seriously?
One should be free to love whomever he or she wants without judgement from others. We should be willing to accept one another fully for who and what we all are. There comes a time when we have to look at ourselves and see the truth. Lesbians should befriend respectful, hetero-sexual males and overcome their seeming fear of being around a man that will be attracted to them. The fact that one is a lesbian does not mean that a hetero-sexual male will not be attracted to her. Lesbians should not be offended by compliments. They should not be afraid to hug a man that wants nothing more than a hug. It seems as though lesbians think that all men are out to rape them, and in some cases that may be a true belief as there are many lesbians that are lesbian due to sexual, physical or emotional abuse from males in their past. However, loving women only will not change what happened in the past. The past must be confronted and dealt with, internally and externally. One must find Self and love that Self, fully and completely. Women are beautiful. Loving women is an inexplicable experience. We should love from our hearts with our souls, not with our minds because we want to be something we may truly not be. Be true to thy Self, and no one else.

5 People reacted on this

  1. I think you should find other Lesbians and bi-sexuals to share their stories in the comment section and write a book, if only an eBook. This was a very emotion-filled post.

  2. Good post! Luckily I haven’t experienced the “bad” of the LGBT community. I liken it to living in a small town. Where I stay,u put 6 people in a room m/f u get the same dramatic results.. I’m very accepting of peoples choices though. It’s scientificly known that sexuality is fluid.. wish people would realize that more often and stop judging on both sides.

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