Posted on: November 18, 2012 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 1

To fall in love with an illusion, that is what I may have done.
I’m not too sure what to do now – don’t know where to run.
My heart and soul were with this man, and I feel now he is gone.
I look for confirmation, and I wonder if he is The One.
 
I cannot explain what I feel right now, I cannot put into words.
I cannot comprehend this experience, so profound yet so absurd.
An illusion in my eyes – and apparently in my mind –
I fell in love so deep, and yet I became so blind.
 
The Cosmic sent signs, or did I just choose to see?
I thought I saw a lot, but was it really just me?
I know these things are hard, and difficult to believe.
Unfortunately, I thought there was really a bigger picture for me.
 
This is not about a person, this is my sanity.
I don’t know what is real; I don’t know reality.
Have I really gone off the deep end, or am I panicking?
Did I really just deceive myself, or am I just ascending?
 
I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to believe.
The disappointment that I feel could also be synchronicity.
I can channel and foresee, and now I have to believe –
That I am connected to this man, and I will always see.
 
I will see his happiness, and I will see him sad.
I will see him alone, and I will feel when he’s mad.
I will crave a cigarette when he takes a break to smoke.
I will always be a part of this very interesting bloke.
 
He is me and I am he, and for a while we were one.
The subconscious was not enough, and the physical world won.
He is now gone from me, but it will not last not forever.
All I can do now is hope that one day, we will be together.
 
But why, oh Lord, why must I deal?
Why is this experience something I have to feel?
You knew already that another loss I could not endure.
A day referring to spiritual endurance, I am tired for sure.
 
Why did I have to go through this experience, why – why me?
Why couldn’t he have been the one lost in deceptive belief?
But then maybe he is lost too, maybe he is finding his way –
Maybe he is searching – hoping to meet me one day.
 
False hope is nothing more of my days.
I refuse to continue to go on this way.
But, my Lord, please bring more light to my days.
A miracle, my Lord, is all I ask – all I say.

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