Posted on: June 22, 2012 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 0

Life is a road, but it leads to a tunnel. This tunnel is called transformation. The tunnel is a period of darkness, a period of confusion. This tunnel is long. It is dark. It seems to never end, but the beauty of this darkness is that we have a choice: we can fight our way through the darkness or turn around and run from it. The time being in this tunnel is comparable to a caterpillar being in the cocoon, wrapped up in a world of darkness waiting to burst free and spread its butterfly wings in order to embrace a new and enlightened world.
Could all of human life be comparable to that of a caterpillar? The caterpillar crawls on the ground and sees its way through hard core survival. The caterpillar goes through the deep, dark crevices of the earth and many of them don’t even make it to the cocoon stage. Yet, there are many who make it into the cocoon. They are enveloped in a dark canopy that holds them securely, yet briefly before releasing a completely different life form- the butterfly.
So here am I, in my cocoon, in the middle of my dark, long tunnel. Although the darkness may be brief, each passing moment feels like an eternity. My dreams of love and success fall before my eyes as they come to fruition in ways that I did not plan for. Yes, I should be pleased, and in many ways I am, but there is still a dark void within me. I should take this experience as something positive. This should be the releasing of old crushes, loves, dreams etc. that clouded my mind from clearly comprehending what truly lies before me; however, I still feel cold, and I am unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The good news is that I fully understand that I am in the dead center of this Life Tunnel. I am at the point where I can stop thinking about turning around to go back because I have come too far already. I can rest, have a drink of water and think about what my next steps will mean in my grand transformation. As I look back at the direction I came from, I see that I was attached to false beliefs, false hopes and misleading expectations. I sought out a seemingly impossible love,  and when in doubt, I tried to give hope to someone that was undeserving. I had mental dreams of going with the “no good” alternative so that I could avoid the time and patience needed to get to what is really meant for me. I now see that I should have stuck to my original dream- the dream that The Cosmic laid out before me. The Cosmic has been screaming for me to refocus so that I may continue to move toward what waits for me.
I now understand. I understand that the path I avoided for so long was the true and rightful path, but I had various experiences that needed to be had so that I can maximize a small stepping stone of an opportunity that has now fallen into my lap. Although my career is not a worry to me, where may career path will go is always something that strikes my curiosity.
Alas, there is still this depth of emptiness inside of me. ‘Tis a bittersweet feeling at its best! The longing to be filled once again in conjunction with not having to deal with an influx of horrid pain is a paradox to enjoy. Yet, the not knowing what is to come is tortuous to the mind, and even the soul. Having experienced a multitude of dramatic “ups and downs”, I am a bit fearful. I fear more of the same. I do not fear moving forward; I fear this tunnel leading to the same cycle I just came from. But now is the time to eliminate worry. Now is the time to eliminate fear. I fear not what lies before me. I fear not what’s coming toward me. So unafraid I am. I am ready.
As I regain my composure and reestablish my feet firmly upon the ground, I feel a bit of relief. Although the past few weeks have been troublesome and confusing, I am now in a place of clarity. Many things needed to be brought up from within me have been brought up and out. Old feelings unknown to my conscious mind have been embraced and released. Old experiences now have a final close. All loose ends have been tied up, and the only ones that have not been tied are the ones that are still being brought to their fullness.
I turn to walk forward once again, more fearless than ever before, taking on the rest of the darkness by shining my Divine Light. Illuminating the portal into the new age, and my new life. There is much greatness in store, and those who are unworthy of my presence are quickly falling away. The Cosmic is preparing me for my full transformation and to soar in the air with my new wings. As I have said for many years, only the strong shall survive, and in death I shall rise again. Many do not understand that a version of me is now dead, and those who neither see nor hear shall be utterly bewildered as I rise again.
To those who want to see me fall, maybe you should try getting up. 😉
To those who want to see me rise, watch and enjoy. 🙂
To those who want to rise with me, rise. 🙂

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