Posted on: October 28, 2018 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 0
puzzle piece

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Have you ever wondered why someone hurt you? Why someone is no longer in your life? Why someone you believe caused you pain won’t leave your mind and heart?
Have you ever questioned God as to why some people won’t leave you alone? Why some forgive you when you don’t deserve it? Why others keep trying when you think they shouldn’t come near you?
We spend a lot of time trying to direct our lives. We try to tell ourselves that we are the CEO – the creator and director – and that what we say goes. We think that it is up to us to decide the role people are to play in our lives. When people don’t play the role to our standard, to our understanding, to our particular preference, we cut them out and spend weeks, months, and even years trying to convince ourselves that we made the right decision because we are the Lords of our microcosms – our mini universes.
The truth is that God is the one who set the cast in our lives. He lays out the plot. He gives us options to choose from, and most times we choose incorrectly. When we are faced with the results of our poor choices, self-centered mannerisms and egotistical worldviews, we blame God, the post man, everyone in our lives – but never ourselves.
How is that working out for you?
I can tell you right now. It hasn’t worked out well for me – at all.
Over the last few months, I found myself cutting people out of my life because they didn’t play their roles the way I wanted them to. They didn’t tell me they loved me. They didn’t give me what I wanted. They didn’t pick up the phone when I called. They didn’t see the world the way I did. They didn’t say the words or do the things I thought I deserved. I never got what I wanted.
I admitted my own contributions to failed relationships to no avail. I begged for forgiveness, hoping to manipulate the situation to my advantage. I played to some egos and insulted others. Then, I found myself alone in continuous crises. The people who were there weren’t the ones I lusted for. The ones I thought should be there for me were distant or nowhere to be found.
The actors in my life were not playing their parts. So, I cut them all out, believing that solitude was the way – only I can make myself happy because only I know what I want.
Does that selfish doctrine sound familiar?
New thought, New Age, and even some contemporary Christian circles preach destructive individualism: that our lives are up to us, we are in charge, and anyone who doesn’t fit into our vision of what we think life should look like needs to be cut out immediately. Shun those who aren’t “high vibe”. Banish those who hurt or disappoint you. Block anyone who doesn’t make you feel good – whatever that means. Blame all trial and calamity on Satan or “negative vibes.”
This doctrine plays to nothing more than the ego. It tells us that we should reduce people to letters and numbers that either fit in our chosen sequence for life or don’t. Hold on to those that make us feel good and discard those that don’t. No wonder the apostasy is upon us with such fervor!
The world tells us that the way to direct our lives toward peace and happiness is to be self-minded, delusional in our expectations, and pompous in our attitudes. The world directs us to believe that we should only experience what makes us feel good and anything that doesn’t satiate our egomaniacal desires is evil.
What a juvenile way of looking at life. It’s not hard to see why the entitlement mindset is so widespread. No wonder people only understand God from what they do and don’t like as opposed to what is wrong or right. No wonder so many of us are broken and turning to addiction of all kinds to find the fix that we need, which usually stems from a desire for connection, forgiveness, and love.
In my darkest days, I found myself turning to those I thought I needed to cut out. The ones I judged as beneath me. The ones who were low vibe, didn’t have the same level of ambition, didn’t see God the way I did. My ego still wanted to believe that life was up to me, so I ended up using people for a brief moment and then dismissing them again, declaring that God only used them for a short-term purpose.
That wasn’t God. That was me. I was using people for my own ends – to heal my own pain only to go on and inflict more upon them.
Whilst listening to a sermon by Joyce Meyers on being a good Christian and understanding that Christians shouldn’t retain anger, hold on to hurt, spew vitriol or cast people out of our lives based on worldly judgement, I took a look at myself and how I treated people in my life. I assessed the roles that the people I know and love truly play and saw things for what they were.
One friend was the person I could call when I fell on hard financial times. One friend was the one I could discuss spirituality and personal development. Another friend was one my extended family. Another friend I could discuss news and business with. Another was one I needed to forgive, even if our relationship remained a distant one. One was the true love that brought my heart joy and my spirit solace. Each person had a role to play, and it had absolutely nothing to do with my personal preference or the dynamic I desired. They played the roles that God intended for them to play in my life, and they all worked together for my good.
In that moment of revelation, I realized that my life was full and abundant. That I really did have all the love I could ask for, it just wasn’t romanticized – it was real.
I also became cognizant of the consciousness that drives each of us: a spirit filled consciousness and a Godlessness consciousness. Many of the friends who had their roles to play in my life were Godless, especially the one my heart sang for – my true love. The pain that they inflicted on me served two purposes: 1. To teach me the art of forgiveness and unconditional love and 2. To give me perspective on God’s protection over my life as well as how spiritual inclinations drive people.
Some things I perceived as betrayal and unfair treatment were actually the fruits of Godlessness leading the lives of those I cared for. One person appeared to be the ring leader who manipulated the others, and to some degree that was true. However, the deeper truth was that Godlessness drove all of them in their thoughts, deeds, and allegiances. It was their aversion to God and clinging unresolved bitterness that brought them together against me.
I longed for their love and forgiveness. I prayed for their revelation and an opening up to the glory of God in life. My efforts were met with more silence, condescension, and attacks. Godlessness and hatred drove them, and I spent some time with my own bitterness toward them for it. It was hard to admit, but I found that most of the time, they remained in my mind due to pain I held on to. They remained because I wanted to change them to my liking and I prayed for them to do my will. I was unable to accept the true role they had to play in my life.
My mind and heart were at ease only when I accepted that I needed to forgive them, accept the love God placed in my heart for them, and accept that only God can change the dynamic between us – not me. God continuously protected me and challenged me to understand what drove them, to see their value and to love them anyway.
Too often we ostracize our loved ones and create more problems in our lives by insisting that we are the sole directors and determinants of our lives. Only we can know what is best, for ourselves and for others. In reality, it is God who determines what is best for us, and once we take a step back and look at the roles people play without an attachment to the role we want them to play, we can better accept people for who they are, forgive them for their transgressions, and love them correctly.

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