Posted on: July 23, 2011 Posted by: Felicia S. C. Gooden Comments: 0

There is this one person that I have been interacting with for the past few months. I strongly feel in my spirit that he simply isn’t all there in the head, but then it may be me. At our initial meet-and-greet, I was stood up. This was an automatic red flag and I was unable to take this person seriously from that point on. However, due to the fact that he was the only person in my life that I actually had good conversation with,  I continued to communicate with this person. There was a mutual mental attraction. I would like to say that there was a physical attraction, but it was simply pictorial lust. Nothing more, nothing less.
At first, we would have three to four hour conversations nightly. Within a week or two, I barely heard from this person once a day, I was lucky to get a response sometime that week. To top things off, I told this person some personal information about me, and he flew off the handle in a judgmental rant as opposed to being open minded and accepting. This turned me off to the point where I told this person to stop communicating with me. About a week after I cut this person off, he sent a message to me on Facebook about wishing we could be friends. Since I had a mental connection and liking for this person, and I am trying to practice forgiveness, I gave him a piece of my mind and told him to do something with it.  So we continued to communicate from then on. But the same patterns of flakiness and BS continued. I have little patience and low tolerance for anyone and anything that I feel may be wasting my time, and I made sure he was aware of that. He sill felt the need to “try to pursue me”. Honestly, he just worked my nerves more than a two year old, but I tried to remain tolerant.
There was a moment in which I had an indiscretion and I performed an action that was out of my character, and I told him about it. He reacted as if he truly cared and was seriously making an effort to be in my life, but this did not make sense to me as I could never take him seriously because he always flaked and bullshitted me. Then, two days later, he tells me about his own indiscretion and takes it to another level. He makes it a point to tell me what his “partner in crime” had going for her and how great the experience was. Then he proceeded to tell me that he did not want to try to build anything with me anymore because he found out that he still wanted to play around. He claimed that this person he had a good night with “put him on game” and reminded him that he was only 27 and had not been out of the country yet. What was he doing trying to settle down and have a relationship?  I had a hearty laugh because I could see through his whole rant.  First of all, this female is good at her game, or he is a complete idiot. Clearly he was amazed and impressed by a woman older than he who was successful, and he was hypnotised by an opportunity to mess around with someone that had what he wished he could have achieved at that point in time. He had been bewitched. As a woman, I knew that any grown woman with money and success is not trying to seriously have anything to do with some male that is almost 30 and cannot even keep a cell phone in a functioning state.
A few days later, he called me and vented to me about his work situation. He was to a point where he wanted to get fired and collect a check. Very attractive. (smh) I gave him a pep talk on mindset, and he felt better about what he truly wanted and needed to do. Later on that day, I was hanging out with some friends and he called. My rintone at the time was Boyfriend by Big Time Rush feat. Snoop Dogg. My cousin freaked out at the ringtone for some reason. As I picked up the phone, I informed her that the ringtone was for general phone calls, not for anyone special. This particular male then went into a rant about how he did not want me to act like I did not like him because he liked me and the female that he thought he was into wanted nothing from him but sex (as I already figured out) and he just wanted me to hang on and have patience with him. Blah, blah, blah. Yet, I was still moved in my subconscious. The next day when he said he would call me and never did, I was done, again. Somehow he had become some form of a new addiction. There were no true feelings, but I could not simply let him go. I knew it is because I allowed myself to care for him as a person, big mistake. I also knew that he would not leave me alone either, which makes the whole situation more interesting.
Bottom line, this male did a whole lot of talking and took no action. I have tried over time to be patient and now I simply entertain him just to tell him about himself at whatever chance I get. I also like to amuse myself with these games he plays as if he is really winning. He has the mind of a male at the ages 19-21. I can hear it in his voice and how he speaks on things. He is also another one the many males in this day and age that thinks he is cool because he smokes weed, sips lean and hangs out in the studio. I know plenty of males like this that are actually making a name for themselves, this persona bores me. I am worn out on it. I will give him kudos though, he is an aspiring photographer. He has much work to do though. He isn’t a bad person, however, he is just very misguided. Understanding this may also be a reason why I choose to communicate with him. Many readers will wonder “why don’t you just be friends and be done with it?” I will rebut, I already have enough flaky ass friends, I don’t need anymore BS in my life, but I have made some connection with this person, so I will just have fun with it in the meantime.
Sometimes this situation feels like a relationship, but it is not. The mutual attraction is what makes everything so complicated. It is very hard to find a person that can be somewhat open minded enough to understand your views on various topics and actually have semi-intelligent rebuttal. What makes this situation more complicated, is that no matter how I try to get rid of this person, without losing a fan of my writing, it does not work. He always comes back. He is attracted to my physical beauty, my great mind and my great talent. I am not attracted to much of anything anymore as his games and BS and robust efforts to cover up his insecurities have messed up any real liking towards him. He has a good heart though. His mind just needs some serious tweaking.
In the past, he has asked me to write something about him. I cannot promise that he will be pleased. However, he knows to be careful what he asks for. The end.

Leave a Comment